Men's Secret Wars by Patrick Means - Part I

With the recent tragic fall of Ted Haggard, Mega-church pastor and President of the National Association of Evangelicals, I want to blog a few quotes and comments from a book that came out ten years ago - "Men's Secret Wars" by Patrick Means, published by Revell in 1996.

Sadly, the author speaks of moral failure from personal experience: "...discovery of my extramarital affair (resulted in) immediate dismissal from the ministry in which I had served for almost twenty years." (Page 8)

Page 18 - "Far too often in the Christian community we overfocus on strength and external success and scorn weakness and failure. If we do ever struggle with temptation and failure, we're expected to replace it with instant victory. A popular book sold in Christian bookstores a few years ago was, 'Now is Your Time to Win!' In bold letters under the title, the jacket trumpeted, 'You can bounce back from failure to success in 30 seconds!' I don't know about you, but the failures that have trouble me are not the kind I can 'bounce back' from in thirty seconds."

Means continues, "Men who live in this kind of hero subculture are especially vulnerable. In my own case I had assumed that because I'd been a Christian since I was a child, knew the Bible well, and loved the Lord, I could never fail the way I did. Many other Christian men now tell me they feel the same way. What's at work here is a false sense of security - the 'it could never happen to me syndrome.'"

"But this overemphasis on success and strength is actually the opposite of the biblical value system. Over and over the Scripture warns us against relying on our human strength. Repeatedly we're exhorted to own our weaknesses, rather than cover them up."

Page 35 - "As adult men, a major step in being conformed to the image of Christ occurs when we take responsibility for rewriting our lifescripts, instead of blindly following them."

YOU WILL HAVE TO READ THE BOOK TO GET THE GIST OF MEANS' "LIFESCRIPTS" CONCEPT. Basically, we grow up with certain views of ourself and the world around us that are often wrong. These need to be replaced with biblical lifescripts.

For instance, the "caretaker roll" is often adopted by a man trying to cover for the absence or passivity of one of his parents. (Page 40) He may take good care of his family, be super-responsible, self-sacrificing, serious, and hard working, but he is perched on a dangerous cliff unless he gains certain insights from God.

Page 41 - Men must "rewrite the rules...rescript the roles....and reprogram the recordings" For example, the Apostle Paul exemplifies the driven, high-achieving hero (he describe himself as a "Pharisee of the Pharisees") who eventually surrendered hsi false role to become a "bond-servant of Jesus Christ."

Which lead Means to this most practical piece of advice: "...take yourself off the pedestal as often as anyone tries to put you on it."

Other lifescripts that need rewriting include "The Rebel: The deliberate underachiever...works hard to lower everyone's expectations of his performance...deliberately underfunctioning."

Page 47: "The Caretaker - Focusing too much on others and their neediness becomes a good way to avoid focusing on his own neediness...Caretakers are really just Controllers...looking for ways to manage others' lives in the name of helping them."

Page 49 - "Sorting through old, distorted messages that play in our minds and steal our joy ranks among the most liberating acts of spiritual obedience we can perform. When we discard the old messages and plug in the truth, we sense new freedom and experience fresh growth. Many of our current behaviors - our reactions, defensiveness, depression - have little to do with our immediate circumstances and everything to do with old voices we have allowed to resonate in our minds for decades."